People Say the Truth Hurts, But in My Opinion Deception Hurts Even Worse!

This post was inspired by a Facebook post by my good friend Kelsey. She is a wonderful, strong, independent woman, who is recently back on the market. After being in a serious relationship for the past couple years, the dating world was a little jarring to her. I was scanning through my Facebook when I came across her status update,  "If you are in a relationship, especially if you're married. STOP trying to talk to other people besides the one you are with. If you don't want to be with the one you are seeing, then you need to get out of your relationship before you ruin someone's life". I of course had to ask her if she was OK, and what this was all about. The answer surprised me, and I have almost seen and heard it all. She told me she had met a guy, they had been talking and he seemed really nice. He invited her over to his place, which for someone looking for a legitimate relationship is a turn off. Not a deal breaker, but it definitely gives the appearance that all you are looking for is a intimate relationship. So with that mild red flag, she did a little searchy searchy, on Mr. Man. Well thankfully she did. What she found made her heart sink to her stomach. She was able to find him on YouTube with videos of him, his wife, and his little girl. Sigh. Devastating.

So. When he went to finalize the plans they had made, she confronted him. She simply said, "oh I forgot to ask if you were seeing anyone?". Mr. Man responded, "No, I've been dating here and there but nothing serious". Wow. Now this is where I got really surprised. A married man, cheating on his wife unfortunately doesn't surprise me. But I have never seen someone bold face just lie about it, the sad this is. Most women just don't care anymore, if they meet what they feel is the "man of their dreams". They just don't care if his married, if he has a girlfriend. Nothing really. I mean the first episode of Love&Hip Hop told that story. So she texted him back and said, "what about your wife and little girl?". With that went Mr. Man. Just poof disappeared, no more to be heard of. He was caught so he left. But I assure you Mr. Man is still lurking around for a new girl.Why do people do this? Now I don't know him, I don't know his name, his wife, his child, anything about him. But I will say, while I am happy that they are staying traditional and actually getting married. I am equally sad that it means nothing to him. Somewhere his wife is at home taking care of their child, while he does what he pleases betraying her. It has no words. I am very proud of my friend, for being one of the few women that actually care when someone is married. Cheating is terrible, but to get into a marriage, and intentionally have an affair is despicable. Once she told me about that guy, I really didn't think of him at all. Only her. I kept thinking what would she do, how heart broken would she be. I believe men like him do it because that is who they are. There are a few different types of cheaters. He falls into the category of unimaginable bastard. The other type of cheater, is the guy/girl who gets caught in the moment and does not have the strength to turn it down.

Some things are forgivable, and some things aren't. I think it also depends on what type of wife you are. Some are willing to put up that, and turn the other cheek. Typically this is because they are reliant on their men financially, emotionally, and physically. Being an independent woman is so important, you never know how things will end up. It is important as a woman that you prepare yourself for any possible outcome. I believe that a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons, which in what I believe in majority of infidelity situ ations is the reason they stray. No one would hurt someone that much, if they truly loved them. I was watching couples therapy on Vh1, and there was a couple who was seeking help because he had cheated on her BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE. When he cheated on her, the girl who cheated on her with well he got her pregnant.I could not imagine the pain, I say this seriously. With no humor. I would die. I would literally die from hurt, and a broken heart. I couldn't imagine going on. I gave this woman so much respect for being so strong, but I thought she was stupid for trying to make it work.

He could of at the very least used a condom, disgusting piece of shit. Do people realize, when you sleep with someone without a condom, you're sleeping with everyone they have ever slept with, and their partners. Yuck. I'm never said I have never not fucked up, and not used a condom, but I have never made it a habit. Furthermore it's called STD's. All it takes is one time. It's so important to find the person you are meant to be with, you won't have to worry about committing to someone because let's just say you got pregnant. Use a condom. You won't have to worry about making a marriage work if you get married for the right reasons. You won't have to worry about cheating if you have your fun before you get married. Marriage is a HUGE commitment, it is fun but it also takes a lot of hard work. IT IS NOT LIKE DATING. For some reason people think marriage is like dating your best friend for ever, and ever happiness, rabbits, and unicorns shitting rainbows. While it is wonderful, it is also very hard, and majority of people can do it but they are not ready for it. TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS. I already wrote a blog on leading people on, but I will touch on this one more time as it is definately another reason that people end up in marriages that are filled with unhappiness, and infilidality.

A lot of guys do want a wife. They really do. Unfortunately they also want a side piece, they want their cake and they want to eat it too. Guys will go very very veryyyy far in order to get what they want. Often times too far. So BEWARE. I dated a guy once that asked me out. Took me on very nice dates. Then asked me to be his girlfriend. He offered to take me on vacation. I'm an independent woman so I didn't let him pay for it all but he did foot the bill for a $1,000 spa trip. Yes a thousand dollars. My skin looked amazing by the way. ANYWAYS. We got back off of vacation, and he started to act very funny. I don't put up with nonsense, and bullshit. Either we are dating or we're not. You like me or guess what you don't. It's really not hard. So I ended it with him, because he thought it was OK to go six days without talking to me. MMM. No. SO come to find out the only thing he wanted from me was sex. As flattering as that is I was definitely looking for something more because I really liked him a lot. However it wasn't for him I would have never met Chad :-).Now someone went through all of that, all of that money, time, energy, just for the nooky. Women we have to be more cautious, don't let the gimmicks blindside you of the end goal. I don't care how nice he claims to be. Don't ever think that a guy is not capable of leading you on, all the way down the alter. It happens, it happened, and it will happen again. To be ready for marriage you both need to be independent, you need to be financially stable, you need to be very experienced in dating, and have had at least one serious relationship. You need to have already found happiness on your own, if you say "my significant other completes me". WRONG. You need to be complete, and whole before. Otherwise you are just relying on someone else for your happiness. Not a risk I would be willing to take personally. There is definitely a disconnect with people, and their views of marriage. Mostly because most peoples parents are divorced, and they don't know the significance of marriage, what it means, and how it works. Then you have those rare people that do not come from broken homes, but their track records would display that they did. Whole different blog.Don't rush the dating process, get married for the right reasons, and use a condom. Stick to those three things, and you may very well lead a smooth, healthy, love life.

-yours truly till blog do us part <3

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