Let's Talk About How to Give a Compliment, Before I Stop the Planet and Get Off

Preface time. I love receiving compliments sometimes I'm having a day where I don't feel great, or just a bad day and a compliment is very uplifting especially genuine simple ones. I say that because yes there are people who do not like to receive compliments, which really boils down to them not being able to receive the compliment well. There are a lot of different compliments you can give for example appearance, parenting, workplace compliments, etc. But regardless of the type of compliment, or the setting there are basic rules yours truly has established to help guide you.


Reliably Allison's Rules for Giving the Proper Compliment

1. A compliment should NEVER be forced it's either there or it's not. It should always be natural. There are no requirements saying you have to give someone a compliment. So if you really don't like the dress don't say that you do. Karma might bite you in the ass when they gift you that "beautiful dress you loved so much" for your Birthday. Sometimes the compliment is nice, but the forced delivery is uncomfortable. Don't make it awkward. This also goes with over-complimenting, stick to one or two compliments or bundle the compliments into one large compliment. For example instead of saying you love their shoes, hair, nails, dress, clutch, and tampon. It would be better to bundle it up into, "I love your outfit". Although you may not be, you could come off as aggressive, and lacking confidence.

2. NEVER expect a compliment in return. A genuine compliment is just that, to let someone know you like something and you wanted them to know. If you need an ego boost giving a compliment is not the place to do it.

3. NEVER give Debbie Downer compliments. For example, "I like your dress, I could never pull that off" (Uhm thank you? I kind of feel bad now do you need a tissue?), "I love your shoes usually people with wide feet couldn't pull that look off" (bitch), "Beautiful hair is it real?" (I'm sorry I didn't realize that was your business and the Target line was the place to discuss this remember if you see someone with a good weave chances are THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW IT'S A WEAVE is that such a hard concept to grasp?), and "That looks great on you for a plus size girl" (Good to know thanks). I mean the list goes on. These types of compliments are all RUDE, and otherwise more popularly known as a backhanded compliments. The point is just because you're having a bad day, month, year, or life doesn't mean we have to keep you company in your misery boat get your head out of your ass, and take your negativity elsewhere.

4. In most cases REFRAIN from comparison compliments. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and you must tread very very very lightly when doing comparison compliments. I have personally been victimized by comparison compliments. I was working as a server, and a customer said I looked like her cousin. Awkward first off I mean should I say thanks? I don't even know what her cousin looks like, but apparently she looks like me or so she says, and I like me on most days so I guess I should say thank you? So she pulled out her phone and showed me her cousin. Now I'm no Beyonce I'm plenty aware, but unless I fell and smacked my little head on the pavement I also know I don't resemble a mule either. We had the same skin tone in common, but rest assure that's where it ended.  The only time they are really appropriate is if you heard the person say they think that person is good looking, and the only time you should give that compliment is if they ACTUALLY look like them. Simply put there are too many people who genuinely think they look like Beyonce, Angelina Jolie, or Boris Kodjoe and it was one of you that did it. Plus believe it or not some people don't like looking like other people, they just want to look like themselves.

5. Lastly, and the most important. NEVER leave a compliment open ended. A compliment should be precise, uplifting, and the person receiving it should KNOW they are being complimented without having to pull out detective equipment or think about it on the drive home. Here's a few examples of open ended compliments, "you're so skinny" (thank you?), "I have a pair of  pants just like that" (OK?), "Are those glasses Banana Republic?", "You're so small (to short people or pregnant women)", and "You and my cousin have the same complexion" (I don't even know your cousin). Now these aren't necessarily rude like the Debbie Downer compliments, but flat out awkward and likely leaving the receiver feeling uncomfortable and not knowing how to respond. Also, sometimes people who think they're classy try to use these "compliments" to say something rude in a way they think is "nice. Here's how to take those same statements and make them an actual compliment. "You're so thin (better than skinny), it reminds me of my glory days you look great", " I have a pair of pants like that, I love them and they look great on you", "Are those glasses Banana Republic? I love their eye wear they look so chic on you",  "You're so beautiful and petite (instead of small)", "You and my cousin have similar complexions, it's a beautiful sun kissed look".


Compliments are wonderful, and EVERYONE should get them, whether we like to admit it or not we ALL need them. You have the power to turn someones whole day, or maybe in rare cases life around with a genuine proper compliment. With that, just as you are able to change someone's day for the better you can also change it for the worse by giving a rude compliment. Giving genuine compliments shows you are a wonderful, and confident person. But remember give a compliment, NOT an insult.

Until next time.

-Reliably yours till blog do us part <3